Welcome home, new sox
Red Sox clicking as they open at Fenway today
Generally, the headline that run in the paper are shorter and more to the point, as to fit more room on the cover page or to have a larger font size to attract more attention to the article. People will know this article is about the Red Sox, and read (having already picked up the paper) and it can be more abstract because people will actually see the title before looking for it. As apposed to the internet title, which is a brief description of what is in the article with a lot more key words because usually the first thing to actually "see" the article is google or a similar search engine, and the title can also be longer because there is an unlimmited amount of space on the internet.
Friends, son fight over recovery money
Friends fight to recover money from Belmont businessman
Similar to the above headline, the first is shorter and more compact to allow a larger font on a smaller area, were as the online headline has more keywords and is phrased more like a regular sentence to be able to be picked up easily from a search engine.
Charter school demand disputed
Charter school demand in Mass. disputed
The second one literally just added a keyword, Mass, which may pick up a couple thousand extra hits alone.
City tries to deter girls from violence
Boston tries to deter girls from violence
Again, changed "city" to "Boston" to increase the search-ability of the story. While the number of times city is searched for may be greater, the increased specificity helps to bolster positive hits rather than just coming up a hundred pages down in the results. It also helps when people search regionally and see the name of their city in a headline and are more likely to be curious (where as in paper, it is implied that it is Boston because you are reading the Boston Globe)
Lynch has shifted views, but not his neighborhood focus
Rep. Stephen Lynch shifted views, but not local focus
A walk for a cause, Todd's Trot Road Race/Walk (42)
Dover youth remembered (22)
at memorial Todd's Trot (21 1/2)
This
time of year we are heading into spring as the weather brightens. August[CBJ1] has been recorded as the second hottest
month in the year. And on August 21, 2003 the Heuchling family had not
anticipated how much of an impact the heat would truly have. [CBJ2]
According to the National Resources Defense Council over
1,300 Americans die of heat-[CBJ3] related deaths per year, and on that hot
and humid day of August, that is just what occurred. “That day was going to
become the saddest day of our lives. It was the final day of tryouts for the
marathon team, and Todd was not to be denied. Todd had an incredible ability to
focus on a goal and put everything else out of his mind. At the end of the
eight mile competition, Todd was running with the leaders when, less than 100
yards from the finish line, he collapsed and succumbed to heat stroke. He could
not be revived,” said Todd’s parents, Sally and Bob Heuchling[CBJ4] .
Todd
was laid to rest [CBJ5] at the Durham Town Cemetery where his
headstone reads, “Peter Todd Heuchling, Cadet, USMA, Class of 2006, Beloved
son, brother, friend and a good soldier.”[CBJ6]
In respects to [CBJ7] Todd’s life, the Friends of Oyster River
Track, FORT, host a walk/run annually. This is the 10-year anniversary of this
race. “The original idea of having a race in Todd's memory was suggested by a
group of his closest friends. The date, early April was selected to coincide as
closely as possible to Todd's Birthday, April 8th.” Said Sally and Bob Heuchling[CBJ8] . “Todd loved to run, ran all the time for
the pleasure of it.”
The 10th annual Todd's Trot Road Race/Walk will be held
Saturday, April 6 at Oyster River High School in Durham. Registration begins at 8:30 AM with a 10:00
AM start time. This is a community event
that includes door prizes for all ages.
The course map, sponsors, and on-line registration are available at
toddstrot.org
The race has been a wonderful success since it’s beginning. Over 500 runners/[CBJ9] walkers participate each year. The
community has embraced the race, been so supportive of it.[CBJ10] “We
are all so touched by the turnout and enthusiasm each year of all those who
participate as well as volunteer to make Todd's Trot such a success. This race
helps to ensure that Todd's memory and spirit continues to shine. Our family
will be forever grateful,” said Bob and Sally Heuchling[CBJ11] .
Last year’s winner [CBJ12] was a Dover resident and former University
of New Hampshire runner. Dan Hocking pulled away from the other runners[CBJ13] and captured the ninth annual Todd's Trot
5K road race.
“The memories we have of Todd are so wonderful and so numerous
it’s hard to know what to say,” said Bob and Sally Heuchling[CBJ14] . “He was a good-natured, fun-loving guy.
He had a quiet sense of humor, a constant sparkle in his eye and a zest for
life. He also had a serious side, the part of him that knew he was born a
soldier.” Todd’s
dream was to become a member of the Army's elite special forces. It’s always a
mystery why the good die young.[CBJ15]
[CBJ1]August
isn’t this time of year, so these two things make a conflicting image in the
reader’s head about what you are talking about.
[CBJ2]This
doesn’t seem to have much to do with the actual article? I don’t know what the
actual article is about until near the end, and the lead should be what drives
the story. A delayed lead is fine but it should come much sooner in the story.
[CBJ4]Who
was actually saying the quote? If it was an email correspondence or some kind
of alternative interview, it should be stated somewhere in the article.
[CBJ6]Possibly
think of making this more than one sentence or incorporating it into another
paragraph instead of its own. It feels odd as a stand alone idea.
[CBJ10]Is
this a quote? I can’t tell. If not, it seems to be a little bit biased, in that
you put too many opinion words in there. I would probably reword these
sentences.
[CBJ13]If
you are going to make a scene, then commit to it. One sentence kind of out of
the blue with a story-telling flair is going to feel out of place.
1. This story needs some art from the event itself, which ironically I may be doing for TNH soon anyways? but shots of runners/walkers would be great, and some pictures of the family (if there) would be an added bonus. Events are pretty easy because they are generally set up in a way that they are easily photographed. Video would be nice of some runners, paired with some one-on-one interviews with the family of Todd and some of the runners/other organizers and would work well in conjunction with the article.
2. See blue highlights above with links to the respective websites for the organizations and the specific page for the National Resources Defense Council.
3. I need a classmates book to finish these :(
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